Here is the collection of funny quotes I have heard and said in recent times.
- "If you want to roll a six, you've got to roll the dice."
- Sergio Russo
- "Why would I wash socks?"
- Nick "Nikolai" Jackson
- "Bottles are only good for liquids, not emotions."
- Me
- "The answer is DNS. The question is irrelevant."
- Active Directory setup rule #1
- "Frigging...isn't that what you put on a ship?"
- Miriam "Muggins" Locke-Wheaton (possibly the most naive person ever)
- "You can't have more than one January can you?"
- Roanna Fox
- "You just have to convert litres into kilometres."
- Me
- "I'll have to have a look in the cupboard of aids."
- Miriam "Muggins" Locke-Wheaton (whilst I came up with the phrase "cupboard of aids", this is the most casual way it has been said)
- "I got confused about triangles the other day."
- Sarah, my sister
- "Is that your actual foot?"
- Vicky "Spongebob" Haycock
- "I try but I sound german/steven hawkin."
- Beckie Ellis, on why she can't say giggedy
- "Life's not fair, but the root password helps."
- BOFH
- "There is only one 7 o clock in the day, and its not in the morning."
- Beth
- "It's not classics its lies!"
- Beckie Ellis
- "Vanish is awesome!"
- Alan Vassallo
- "It's a 5 star boat! P&O don't do 5 star boats because they're too busy going backwards through the alphabet."
- Me
- "Computers are female. They only behave when you push the right buttons, have strange ports, and misbehave for no reason."
- Nick "Nikolai" Jackson
- "Theres blood in my alcohol system."
- Dave Scott
- "We went on a horse and kart ride. There was a horse and everything!"
- Claire "Gravy" Robinson
- "Theres no i in techys...only why."
- Me
- "He's just...whats the technical word...oh yeah, a tw*t."
- Varun "Varnum" Kanish, on a mutual dislike of ours
- "You're Birminghams nicer twin really."
- Youth Movies lead singer, addressing a crowd of Coventry'ans and me
Cheeky girl 1 - "It's like mermaids, you either love them or hate them."
Cheeky girl 2 - "Don't you mean marmite?"
Cheeky girl 1 - "Oh yeah!"
- "They are slightly more laid back, they don't really merge...they just kind of ambulate...hang out in parks...like massively overequipped Mr Whippy Vans."
- Tim Minchin, describing Australian ambulances compared to British emergency ambulances
- "1?!?!?! Why not 3!!!"
- Matt "Canny" Canfor, about what time in the afternoon they should get up
Gary - "meow"
Me - "meow?"
Gary - "meow!"
Me - "meow?!"
Everyone else in the room - "Shut up!"
- "20 to ten? Its 21.40!!!!"
- Sasha Hunt
Me - "I'm hip."
Sarah, my sister - "You're a hip."
Kid - "Mum, do you think I will live forever?"
His mum - "Yes."
Kid - "I might need some more felt pens..."
Cute story heard on BBC Radio 2
- "C*ckbiscuit."
- Mike, my brother
- "ACHOO Oh I'm sorry, I'm allergic to bulls**t."
- THE Will Smith, i Robot
- "Of course, the only time I've been in a 'real' fight was when a rather psychotic kid from my school (looooooong time ago) came at me with a knife. Fortunately I was digging a hole in our yard for some reason, so I hit him with the shovel."
- Random but apparently memorable guy on some forum
- BELCH!
- Sarah "Beardy" Beard, being surprised for the umpteenth time by her own belching
- "To the crystal dome!"
- Laura Maloney, drunk at the end-of-sixth-form boat party wayyyy back in 2005
- "I'm the Bishop of Southwark. It's what I do."
- Rt Rev Tom Butler, whilst "soberly" throwing kids toys out of car window
