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/quotes | i-am-a-superhero.co.uk

the funniest things i have heard and said

Here is the collection of funny quotes I have heard and said in recent times.

"If you want to roll a six, you've got to roll the dice."
Sergio Russo
"Why would I wash socks?"
Nick "Nikolai" Jackson
"Bottles are only good for liquids, not emotions."
Me
"The answer is DNS. The question is irrelevant."
Active Directory setup rule #1
"Frigging...isn't that what you put on a ship?"
Miriam "Muggins" Locke-Wheaton (possibly the most naive person ever)
"You can't have more than one January can you?"
Roanna Fox
"You just have to convert litres into kilometres."
Me
"I'll have to have a look in the cupboard of aids."
Miriam "Muggins" Locke-Wheaton (whilst I came up with the phrase "cupboard of aids", this is the most casual way it has been said)
"I got confused about triangles the other day."
Sarah, my sister
"Is that your actual foot?"
Vicky "Spongebob" Haycock
"I try but I sound german/steven hawkin."
Beckie Ellis, on why she can't say giggedy
"Life's not fair, but the root password helps."
BOFH
"There is only one 7 o clock in the day, and its not in the morning."
Beth
"It's not classics its lies!"
Beckie Ellis
"Vanish is awesome!"
Alan Vassallo
"It's a 5 star boat! P&O don't do 5 star boats because they're too busy going backwards through the alphabet."
Me
"Computers are female. They only behave when you push the right buttons, have strange ports, and misbehave for no reason."
Nick "Nikolai" Jackson
"Theres blood in my alcohol system."
Dave Scott
"We went on a horse and kart ride. There was a horse and everything!"
Claire "Gravy" Robinson
"Theres no i in techys...only why."
Me
"He's just...whats the technical word...oh yeah, a tw*t."
Varun "Varnum" Kanish, on a mutual dislike of ours
"You're Birminghams nicer twin really."
Youth Movies lead singer, addressing a crowd of Coventry'ans and me

Cheeky girl 1 - "It's like mermaids, you either love them or hate them."
Cheeky girl 2 - "Don't you mean marmite?"
Cheeky girl 1 - "Oh yeah!"

"They are slightly more laid back, they don't really merge...they just kind of ambulate...hang out in parks...like massively overequipped Mr Whippy Vans."
Tim Minchin, describing Australian ambulances compared to British emergency ambulances
"1?!?!?! Why not 3!!!"
Matt "Canny" Canfor, about what time in the afternoon they should get up

Gary - "meow"
Me - "meow?"
Gary - "meow!"
Me - "meow?!"
Everyone else in the room - "Shut up!"

"20 to ten? Its 21.40!!!!"
Sasha Hunt

Me - "I'm hip."
Sarah, my sister - "You're a hip."

Kid - "Mum, do you think I will live forever?"
His mum - "Yes."
Kid - "I might need some more felt pens..."
Cute story heard on BBC Radio 2

"C*ckbiscuit."
Mike, my brother
"ACHOO Oh I'm sorry, I'm allergic to bulls**t."
THE Will Smith, i Robot
"Of course, the only time I've been in a 'real' fight was when a rather psychotic kid from my school (looooooong time ago) came at me with a knife. Fortunately I was digging a hole in our yard for some reason, so I hit him with the shovel."
Random but apparently memorable guy on some forum
BELCH!
Sarah "Beardy" Beard, being surprised for the umpteenth time by her own belching
"To the crystal dome!"
Laura Maloney, drunk at the end-of-sixth-form boat party wayyyy back in 2005
"I'm the Bishop of Southwark. It's what I do."
Rt Rev Tom Butler, whilst "soberly" throwing kids toys out of car window